a clearing
i don't really know where to begin; writing about the last three weeks seems almost impossible, although i have now told this story many, many times. but somehow it is still too soon; it feels strange to try to gather it here, because i am not yet seeing it from the other side. i don't know how to parse it into paragraphs; the details still seem so important. there is snow on the ground now, and the blankets are out; i have been lighting little families of beeswax candles every night since i've been home.
so. three weeks ago i went to emergency after two days with the stomach flu. being diabetic means that after two days of not being able to keep food down, insulin doses and dehydration become serious stuff. i was treated for dka (diabetic ketoacidosis), and they kept me at the hospital for a few days and then let me go home. i spent the rest of the week resting and recovering from the flu. only i wasn't getting better. by last monday, i had started to get sick again and went back to emergency, only to find out that my appendix had probably ruptured the week before, when i first started getting sick. i guess once that happens, the body starts to wall the rupture off to protect itself, but it makes the appendix harder to remove. i had an emergency appendectomy last tuesday night and stayed in recovery at the hospital until monday. being diabetic also means that any wounds are slow to heal and prone to infection, and one set in at the incision site and is slowly getting better. a nurse has come to see me at home every day this week, and will continue to do so until it's no longer necessary.
little days, little hours, little movements. with each day my muscles curve more to my world and i can do what i couldn't before. at times i am restless. i think this is good. at times i am sleepy. those are good times for naps. but the constellations of my days are starting to take shape again and i can see pockets of light of shining through the snow. i am happy to be home.
